Over-expectations & sky-high demands
Strange attempts to rush Speech Therapy progress
Author : Mahasri Das
Published : 2023, December 26 (10 min read)
Another day, a new caseload… But today, I would be exposed to a unique session containing “overexcited hyper-stress.” Why? Today’s caseload included a child with parents who looked too anxious yet excited. A combination of this and many more complex emotions resulted in them fretting away. A perfect analogy is “continuously adding fuel to their own fire.”
As I started the session, I realized I had metaphorically hit the nail right on the hammer. Every question from their end reflected a strong need to accelerate speech therapy at a ridiculously high speed. Fast enough that all I could think of was an image of a terrible train wreckage.
“But why?” I asked them. They answered, “Our child has to be a perfect speaker. And fast. He has to be at the same level as his peers.” After a few such questions, I finally got my most important question answered. I would be dealing with parents who, maybe unintentionally, would have attempted to push their kid to learn to speak at a pace too quick for his understanding if given a chance.
Looking straight into their eyes, I finally asked, “Do you know that each plant grows at a different speed and in a different way? Even if given too many resources, can a mango tree grow like a tomato plant?” So why did I even ask a gardening-based question in a speech therapy session?
That’s where the demands vs capacities balance model comes in.
CHILD’S CAPACITIES vs. PARENTAL DEMANDS
Simply put, if the parental demand is way more than the child’s innate capacity, then the child is invariably put out of his comfort zone and feels “stressed out.". Which, in the end, results in an outcome completely opposite to what the parents believe will happen.
**Stressing out” = Natural response of a kid overwhelmed with way too many demands
So let’s get back to this gardening-based analogy
“Do you know that each plant grows at a different speed and in a different way? Even if given too many resources, can a mango tree grow like a tomato plant?”
The universal answer? “No”
But how does it actually translate to language development?
This analogy simply implies that each child’s nature and rate of understanding language are invariably going to be different. What is understood clearly by one child may turn out to be vague for another. Our task is to help a child catch up his language skills in his own special way, NOT vice versa (i.e., not tell the child to learn language in a way deemed best by us)
More often than not, when explained correctly, the parents do realize that the correct concept is to “guide the child's discovery and nurture their curiosity, allowing them to learn and progress through real-life experiences rather than simply imparting knowledge.”
But how?
The best way to do so is to follow four simple tests
STEP 1: Know the current language level of your child
STEP 2: Set the goal just one step above the current level
STEP 3: Go as per the learning pace of your child. Do not ‘push’ him/her to learn quicker than he/she actually can
STEP 4: Only after the target goal is achieved, set a new goal based on the overall progress
In the learning process, encourage your child as he or she progresses. Do not criticize at any point. Instead, rely on constructive feedback
Final Thoughts
By balancing the child’s capacities with your demands, you are setting up an environment in which the development of your child’s language can happen at an appropriate pace in a conducive environment.
Remember that over-expectations are always going to be detrimental to your child.
“Encourage and support your kids, because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” - Lady Bird Johnson